It’s good that we argue a lot

I’m a passionate person and I love debating. I’m not someone who shuts up easily, I have to get my point across. I’m not like this all the time, only with the people I care about and/or for the conversations that matter to me. I can’t just let it go and can’t settle down unless I have tried my best to explain my point of view. Because I absolutely can’t take being misunderstood, especially when I can help it. I do try to listen too, to understand the other point of view.

He on the other hand shuts up as soon as he senses difference in our opinions or some criticism on my part. If he dislikes something that I said, or did, or the way I reacted in some situation, he’ll just go to his shell and cut me out. I need a great will and patience just to get him to talk again and discuss the matter with me. Conflict is natural, but unless we make ourselves clear how will the other person know what’s causing this?

I know what my problem is, I tend to make my mind about things too fast. But then I’m not adamant either and I can change my stand too, if I’m presented with more facts and we have a discussion about the issue. I’m opinionated and open to new line of thoughts at the same time. That is how I understand stuff. I know a little, and based on that I have some opinion and understanding of the issue. If discussed, I’ll put forward my opinion with some conviction. But during the discussion my knowledge on the matter will likely increase and might cause my opinion to become stronger or weaker. And that’s fine. I can admit being wrong just as easily.

And it’s not like I claim to be an expert on the matter and go around telling people what I think. I’m just telling him. About how I feel. About something that we are discussing. And if he doesn’t feel the same way, doesn’t mean he has to stop talking and we are supposed to forget about it. It means we discuss and tell each other why we feel a certain way & try to reach a conclusion.

I know reaching a conclusion is the best case scenario, and that it could never happen without great patience and probably some compromises from both sides, but even then, just explaining oneself and let the other think over it is enough. Next time we discuss the same issue, we at least are better prepared, aware of other person’s stand and reasons.

So I make sure that we discuss/argue whenever there’s a difference of opinion. And so far, it has ended well. It’s feels like I know him better after each such heated discussion. And maybe he knows more about me too. So it’s good that we argue a lot. It’s way better than silence.

In my experience, agreement after a long animated face-off brings much more familiarity, fondness and love than before.

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2 thoughts on “It’s good that we argue a lot

  1. This is true. I can somehow relate. My boyfriend used to just walk away or shut up everytime we argue and I’m already heated up with what I stand for. Then a day after we just forget about it. We don’t talk further with the issue. We did not make it a big deal, until it became the reason we broke up. Unresolved issues in a relationship is like cancer cells. You will not notice them at first but eventually they’ll appear stage 4. Until it became hopeless. We ended the 6 year old relationship because we do not argue. I’m sorry this is too long.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story with me Jillian. I somehow feel more encouraged to fight it out now. I remember reading about this in a book, never leave an issue unresolved. Specially if it’s something you are going to face again. Little things get ignored the most, we don’t want to be the ones making a big deal out of nothing. But those little things are exactly the ones which repeat themselves over and over again. So if we combine it, we can see it’s not that little anymore..

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