Yesterday I heard how someone from my college committed suicide because of relationship problems. With less than a month remaining before graduation and a lucrative job at hand, this one aspect of an otherwise “normal” existence became the cause of it not existing anymore. I told myself that there must be something more to that story, that I dint know, I couldn’t know & hence I chose to not to think about it anymore. Still, it is not something unheard of. The crazy, crazy love. Not being able to survive without the other kind of love.
I have a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her. I spent days talking, convincing of how it’s a bad idea crying for the guy. Before me was a really depressed, almost suicidal girl telling me she can’t live without him. No amount of logic turned that situation around. She’s fine now though, only after getting back with the same guy.
Again, I thought, I don’t understand their relationship and I’m going to butt out before I lose a friend forever. I spent some time googling why people, especially girls stay on such relationships. Not admitting defeat, fear of the unknown, being possessive, low self-esteem etc. But the biggest reason as quoted by the women themselves is: because they are in love. Madly, deeply in love.
What’s more I noticed is that they are proud of it. And so full of it. No matter what we started the conversation with, it ended with discussing her relationship & her boyfriend. People like us, who talk of logic and how every relationship is not really that different, who try to see it from outside, are the ones who really don’t understand and/or haven’t experienced true love. Our love can never be as strong as theirs. Because we can chose to stay away if our partners break the deal. They instead openly declare to the world, and their fortunate partners how impossible it is to live without love for them. Love that can only come from that one person.
What a load of bullshit.
I’m fully capable of giving my love, my everything to a person — as long as they respect it. I’m also fully capable of making a life for myself with or without anybody in it. If they’d like to be a part of it, they better act like they do. And if they don’t want to be a part of it, who am I to force myself on someone? It’s a free country and they are free to do anything or anybody they like, free to screw up their life, not mine.
For that reason, I know when I say that I am not crazily in love. And I will never be. Even if that means not experiencing it completely. There are things not acceptable to me, and if you break my heart, sorry but your out. And I don’t think we can’t experience love completely, I know I do experience very strong emotions. I do bend and change at times, but I don’t stop being real. Not for too long anyway. There is a limit, and I’m fully aware of mine.
My prevention mechanism from falling crazily in love in simple: I know how to be with myself, have independent hobbies, I can have fun & relax by doing things that require absolutely no other human to be a part of it. And most important, I always keep some friends in the loop, if not all, so I stay in touch with reality.