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Don’t be crazy in love. Seriously, don’t.

Yesterday I heard how someone from my college committed suicide because of relationship problems. With less than a month remaining before graduation and a lucrative job at hand, this one aspect of an otherwise “normal” existence became the cause of it not existing anymore. I told myself that there must be something more to that story, that I dint know, I couldn’t know & hence I chose to not to think about it anymore. Still, it is not something unheard of. The crazy, crazy love. Not being able to survive without the other kind of love.

I have a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her. I spent days talking, convincing of how it’s a bad idea crying for the guy. Before me was a really depressed, almost suicidal girl telling me she can’t live without him. No amount of logic turned that situation around. She’s fine now though, only after getting back with the same guy.

Again, I thought, I don’t understand their relationship and I’m going to butt out before I lose a friend forever. I spent some time googling why people, especially girls stay on such relationships. Not admitting defeat, fear of the unknown, being possessive, low self-esteem etc. But the biggest reason as quoted by the women themselves is: because they are in love. Madly, deeply in love.

What’s more I noticed is that they are proud of it. And so full of it. No matter what we started the conversation with, it ended with discussing her relationship & her boyfriend. People like us, who talk of logic and how every relationship is not really that different, who try to see it from outside, are the ones who really don’t understand and/or haven’t experienced true love. Our love can never be as strong as theirs. Because we can chose to stay away if our partners break the deal. They instead openly declare to the world, and their fortunate partners how impossible it is to live without love for them. Love that can only come from that one person.

What a load of bullshit.

I’m fully capable of giving my love, my everything to a person — as long as they respect it. I’m also fully capable of making a life for myself with or without anybody in it. If they’d like to be a part of it, they better act like they do. And if they don’t want to be a part of it, who am I to force myself on someone? It’s a free country and they are free to do anything or anybody they like, free to screw up their life, not mine.

For that reason, I know when I say that I am not crazily in love. And I will never be. Even if that means not experiencing it completely. There are things not acceptable to me, and if you break my heart, sorry but your out. And I don’t think we can’t experience love completely, I know I do experience very strong emotions. I do bend and change at times, but I don’t stop being real. Not for too long anyway. There is a limit, and I’m fully aware of mine.

My prevention mechanism from falling crazily in love in simple: I know how to be with myself, have independent hobbies, I can have fun & relax by doing things that require absolutely no other human to be a part of it. And most important, I always keep some friends in the loop, if not all, so I stay in touch with reality.

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House Hunting: Part I

I had no freaking idea just how difficult this task is. And I’m saying this after seeing houses on just 3 different days. We did cover many houses in one outing, but still. There are a billion things to consider, and frankly I don’t think I’m smart enough to do this. Luckily, I think he is way better. It is his idea too, buying an house. He has all these grown up people ideas that totally surprise me. I mean yeah we’ll buy a house, someday, but does have to be now!! Continue reading House Hunting: Part I

Learning to cook

Among the two of us, he’s the better cook. Mostly because he chooses to do that while I’m more of a takeouts/eat outside person. I love home cooked food though, it’s just that our cooking is pathetic and I love eating. I just don’t feel full after a crappy meal. Anyway, his point, which is a valid one, is that we won’t learn unless we try. So we started practicing the basic stuff in his kitchen sometimes. I’d mostly be the one who chops vegies, cleans dishes or does the other sidekick stuff. He’d do the actual cooking.We made a lot of disastrous stuff before we finally got the hang of making something edible. But even then, everything we made tasted exactly the same! All the curries (and we only did make curries) had identical flavor. Only recently, we could make things differently. The key is to cook for more time, let the flavors interact and dissolve. And not add corns and peas in everything! šŸ˜›

So last Saturday, after he made me breakfast, he had to go away for the afternoon. I stayed back at his place instead of going back to mine, and decided to try some independent cooking as a surprise. šŸ˜‰ Continue reading Learning to cook

It’s good that we argue a lot

I’m a passionate person and I love debating. I’m not someone who shuts up easily, I have to get my point across. I’m not like this all the time, only with the people I care about and/or for the conversations that matter to me. I can’t just let it go and can’t settle down unless I have tried my best to explain my point of view. Because I absolutely can’t take being misunderstood, especially when I can help it. I do try to listen too, to understand the other point of view.

He on the other hand shuts up as soon as he senses difference in our opinions or some criticism on my part. If he dislikes something that I said, or did, or the way I reacted in some situation, he’ll just go to his shell and cut me out. I need a great will and patience just to get him to talk again and discuss the matter with me. Conflict is natural, but unless we make ourselves clear how will the other person know what’s causing this? Continue reading It’s good that we argue a lot

When love found me

So yes like all Indian parents, my parent’s ultimate wish is to see me happily married. But I din’t quite know how I’d make it come true, since I was a cynic when it came to romantic love. I had made my peace with the fact that I will never understand it or find it. And this was it for me. I instead concentrated on living my life in the best way possible. Yet every time my parents would start a conversation on this topic, I would end it by saying I’ll do it. I’ll get married. As long as you are fair with me and I have my say in the whole matter, I will listen to you guys. But even when I said those things, and tried my best to believe in it too, I knew it couldn’t be that simple. Arranged marriage. It’s always puzzling to people. Even the ones who go through with it don’t exactly know what clicked or how they decided this is it. Deep down, I know it won’t be an easy task for someone like me to just meet someone thrice and say yes to spending the rest of our lives together with full (or even slight) confidence.

This was my situation: Fully mistrusting towards anything remotely love like and not comfortable with the idea of an arranged marriage. Continue reading When love found me

Why I’m uncomfortable with my wedding

In India, you generally don’t make a big fuss about it & accept your fate. Be it arranged or love, you’ll get married and that will be it. You don’t read too much into the situation. You even start making compromises even before actually taking those circles around the fire. Basically, once your parents are involved, there’s no going back. Only looking forward. Way into the future. And you have little say in it all. Like my dad mentioned it to me sometime back: you selected the guy now let us select/decide other things. Continue reading Why I’m uncomfortable with my wedding

How I told my parents

I visited home last December, after 4-5 months of being away when this happened. (I’m studying and working ~2000 kms away from home). My cousin had just got married, last one of my first cousins who is older than me. So in everybody’s mind, I was “next”.

To give a little background, my parents were talking about my wedding since I was born probably. I remember hearing about related stuff since as far as I can remember. Don’t jump to any conclusions though, my parents are pretty cool and I’ve enjoyed more freedom than most of my friends (girls at least). I was always encouraged in pursuing whatever I wanted to and all they asked ever, was for me to get married when they thought it’s time. Continue reading How I told my parents